I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
