i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
