nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
