Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
