We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
