He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
