I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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