So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
