Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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