she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
