I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
