I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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