I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
