you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
