we have officially lost it.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The air was thick with penises
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
