I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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