i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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