if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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