i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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