I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
