VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
