I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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