great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
