i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
