I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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