i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
