I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
