I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
