We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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