On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
