If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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