Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
