SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
