My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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