Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
