So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
