Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
