glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
And then he peed in my hair
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