I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
