sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
