you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
