What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
