his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
