Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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