exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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