Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
