Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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