real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
