I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
