So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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