Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
