i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
