There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
