I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
