My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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