I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
When are your genitals available?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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