I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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