Three words: puerto rican gang bang
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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