my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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