Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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