Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
