I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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