Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
