it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
