just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
