dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
